| He was lying in his bed. “Damn I don’t want to spoil the bed sheet, my mom really likes this one” he thought to himself. He strategically placed his hand so that it hangs from the corner of the bedpost. He was trying to recall what was under the bed, “I don’t want to spill on any thing which is kept under the bed”. “Hell what?” he swore out loud. Isn’t it a little too much to think about such silly stuffs in the final moment?
He thought again whether he should leave a note behind. It didn’t feel that essential, and then again he did not have anything specific in his mind. There were no particular reason and even if he made a whole list of reasons, may be most of them will sound silly and unimportant to the rest of world. “Taken as a whole, it didn’t feel right, for a long - long L-O-N-G time and the feeling is unexplainable” he thought “and will they even understand”
He was getting impatient. His thoughts strayed from one topic to another. He looked to his computer table. “May be I should have left the DVDs to my best pal”, he sighed. They always loved hanging around the DVD stores together. His friend didn’t have a DVD player, so whenever he bought a new movie he would stay over and they would start watching the movie after midnight. “It was fun back in those days”, he sadly remembered. It had been years since they had a proper conversation. He tried to fix things up, but guess any relationship should be a two way effort. It does not matter now and he didn’t want to point any fingers to anyone. May be it was his fault. May be he was like a sassy little girl who craved for attention. May be he was too immature for a twenty year old boy. He smiled to himself……and thought, “So twenty it will be.”
He thought about his parents. “Real nice decent chaps, that’s what they are”, he murmured softly. They had a successful career, money, name for themselves. From outside it was a happy family, he and his parents. It truly was. The problem was with him only. He didn’t fit in. He was not a good student like his parents. He didn’t get enrolled in a law school like his father or become an economist like his mother. He didn’t have a talent in music like his mother or shined brightly in university football team like his dad did in his youth. Both of his parents loved him and he never had a chance to complain about them. They are busy people with a career to look after but the little time they had, they tried to make him happy. They took him to various parts of the world, took him to nice dining places and stuffs. They loved their child but did they love him? They would have done the same for any x-y-z who would have been their children but did they really notice him as a person? Did they try to know him? Did they consider him as a person with his own thoughts and not only just a child they sired. “It is a dilemma I will not be able to make anyone understand” he gasped in frustration.
“Why is it taking so long?” he felt the urge to change his position. His hanging hand was starting to feel numb. “Hell with the bedsheet”- he cursed under his breath and moved in the middle of the bed. He remembered he was supposed to take his cousin to the coaching centre and help her get enrolled in that medical college coaching. “Well may be someone else will do it for a change”. He never had a strong presence in any family gathering. He always chose the quietest corner in any family parties. “I was never very friendly with anyone and neither was I rude to anyone. I think that is a fair deal”. He does not know why it happened. He never had any close relation with any of his family members, uncle & aunts, cousins, grandparents. Everyone was loving, caring, ready to help in any instant. It must have been him, he failed to fit in again. He could never share anything with them. He always felt out of place……..
And then he thought about the girl. His friend, yes she was just a friend, a very good friend to be exact. He does not remember when and how he crossed the sacred line. He never should have fallen for her. She was supposed to be JUST A FRIEND. Things went bad, rally bad. He lost her friend, the very good friend he was so fond of. And now she occupies his mind throughout the whole day. In the morning when he wakes up, she is there. When he is trying to concentrate to the teacher’s lecture, she is there. When he tries to play NFS with utmost focus, she is there. He dreams of her too often, way too often. “If only” he thought “If only I never met her. If only I never fell for her. If only she also felt the same. If only I was strong enough to move on”.
He felt the warmth of his tears on his chin. “Boys don’t cry” the moment the thought struck his head a sarcastic smile peeped in the corner of his mouth. He always wanted to watch the movie and never got around it.
“Too late” he reflected sadly. He had taken a large dose of pain killer and a handful of sedatives before he slit his left wrist. He simply had a death wish. He was not upset and angry at anyone particular. It was just life. He has been unhappy for a long time, for a freaking long time. How he hoped things would get better but they kept getting worse and worse with every new day. He simply wanted to be happy, wanted to be loved. Was it too much to ask for? He was getting bored with his unhappy condition so he thought about a little twist.
“I should have given her a final call and tell her how much I loved her.” He bade farewell to his parents, kissed them and hugged them both but probably they never knew it was the last time. “Would things have changed if others knew I had a death wish? Would they care for me more?” too late, it’s too late now”. The blood flow has made the bed damp and the pain was increasing with every single second. ”too late, too late for anything” and he passed into a relaxing long awaited sleep.
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. Personally I feel it is tuff to write short stories as you have to tell something with limited words. As the great Rabindranath Tagore said –
TOTW/F/M Award(s): 2
...Sorry never mind.........Awesome April apu...keep it up...
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