Computer Humour
The following are humorous (and sometimes serious too) quotes gathered from the Web, Usenet's personal .sig and other sources. Since it's all a big rip-off, I am assuming no copyright whatsoever. I don't even guarantee that they are accurate. Now that you've been warned, enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Category - (L)users
The following are humorous (and sometimes serious too) quotes gathered from the Web, Usenet's personal .sig and other sources. Since it's all a big rip-off, I am assuming no copyright whatsoever. I don't even guarantee that they are accurate. Now that you've been warned, enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Category - (L)users
Users /nm./: collective term for those who use computers. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice Users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users: people who break other people's computers.
— From the Jargon File.
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why ? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially... They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material." — Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) explaining how the Internet works (2006).
"Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. In computer science, we all are standing on each others' feet." — G. Popek.
"Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test." — (At the time of Win95/98/ME)
"Reading, Pa., county controller Judith Kraines complained at a commissioners' meeting in January about having to type letters and do other business on a typewriter because her computer was old and no one had been able to get it to work for two years. 'If we had a computer', she said, 'letters would go out faster'. Three days later, she announced that the computer she was complaining about in fact had not been plugged in to any electrical outlet and that when the plug was inserted and the computer was turned on, it worked fine." — Elected luser of the year.
Los Angeles County officials have asked that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms 'master' and 'slave' regarding computer hard drives, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive. Additionally, the term 'e-mail' will now be called 'e-person letter', 'dumb terminals' will now be 'CPU-challenged monitors' and 'Unix' will be referred to as 'sexually dysfunctional operating system'. Obviously, 'fingering' is now banned entirely." — Kevin Fizz.
"Artificial intelligence ? No thank you, I don't need crutches." — Szylowicz (my former assembler teacher).
"Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."
"1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15, y0u r34||y n33d 70 637 |41d."
"This manual says what our product actually does, no matter what the salesman may have told you it does." — In a californian graphic board manual, 1985.
"I sit looking at this damn computer screen all day long, day in and day out, week after week, and think: Man, if I could just find the 'on' switch..." — Zachary Good.
"Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface."
"Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools." — Gene Brown.
"Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
"Remember, the problem is not that people are stupid; the problem is that modems are cheap." — Vince Sabio.
"Because we do not understand the brain very well we are constantly tempted to use the latest technology as a model for trying to understand it. In my childhood we were always assured that the brain was a telephone switchboard. ('What else could it be?') I was amused to see that Sherrington, the great British neuroscientist, thought that the brain worked like a telegraph system. Freud often compared the brain to hydraulic and electro-magnetic systems. Leibniz compared it to a mill, and I am told some of the ancient Greeks thought the brain functions like a catapult. At present, obviously, the metaphor is the digital computer." — John R Searls.
"There is unexpected beauty hidden everywhere in this world — one just has to be open to seeing it. Remember that the next time you sneeze on your monitor." — Nathan Walton.
Login: yes
Password: i dont have one
password is incorrect
Login: yes
Password: incorrect
"On the negative side, I've been getting charged for a ton of stuff I didn't order lately. On the positive side, I did win that 'Who's Got the Best Password' contest on AOL last week." — Spike Donner.
"Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair."
"I can only imagine the deprivation and loneliness you will feel from a lack of human companionship when your 1000 free AOL hours run out." — Nate B.
Helpdesk: Double click on "My Computer"
User: I can't see your computer.
Helpdesk: No, double click on "My Computer" on your computer.
User: Huh?
Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled "My Computer". Double click on it.
User: What's your computer doing on mine?
__________________________________________________ ___________________
________=========================================_ ______
________=========================================_ ______
Folks; for now I shall stop here, soon I will be back with sum more iTECH Humour ! 
HeLLzAnGeL
Linear Mode
