Plz lekhata pore jara comment korben tara atleast likha ta ekbar purota pore comment korben...PLz plz...atleast erokom ekta comment peleo khushi hobo je purota pore comment korbe....
Janale Shobsheshe: Part-1
Nistobdho nirob nithor ei prokritir majhe
Kuashaghera ondhokar durge shokal bikal ki shajhe
Hatre firi shopno majhe shudhu tomar khoje
Chaichi ami mon boshate, tobu pari na kaaje.
Konkone shiter himel haway
Jani pabo na tobu khuji tomay,
Shonali roder ushnotar choway
Dohai tomar dekha dao amay.
Shukno nodir balumoy tir e
Otithi pakhir ojana bhir e
Achomka jege otha kono nodi chore
Dao na tomar gaane, e mon bhore.
Him shitol chayay shurjer arale
Shojib gacher kono ek daale
Shit ki grismo, kono ek kaale
Dekha dao amay, shukno patar chole.
Oshojho oshohonio e muhurter khone
Shegun bagan kingba Mahogany bonE
Oshar-dhushor kono ek din e
FirE esho tumi, amar mone.
Meghe dhaka akashe khuje pawa nilE
Rongdhonu mishe jawa kono ek bilE
Shagor-nodir jol jethay jay milE
Harabo tomay niye shethay tomay pele.
Obosheshe klanto beshe magher shonnashi eshe
Firiye dilo toay, hote mrittu deshe
Chole giyechile pray amay bhalobeshe
Bhalobashte shudhu amay janale shobsheshe.
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Cabin er shada Bed e shuye thaka meyetir kashir shobde cheleti lekha thamiye meyetir dike takalo. Meyetir hashir jobabe cheleti hashar chesta korleo chokh beye porlo ek fota osru. Ekshomoyer shundor dudhe alta ronger mayamoy mukhta ekhon bisher kriyay kalche nil hoye ache. Cheleti bujhte parlo oi chonchol gota gota chokh dutite ar kokhono dekha jabe na shei dushtu chahoni; hoyto ar kokhono putuler moto pitpit kore papri felbe na chokh duto; hoyto ar ekti barer jonnou chokh duto tule takabe na tar priyo mukhtar dike; karon chokh duto sheshbarer moto bondho hoye jawar prostuti nicche. Tobuo cheleti kanna chepe meyetir thanda hoye jaw tulor moto haat duto haat tule chumu khelo. Nishpran kaalche hoye jaw thot dutite jeno ek chilte shada haasir jhilik dekhte pelo cheleti. Cheletir hotath nijeke prithibir shobchaite murkho bekti mone holo karon she ekjon manusher moner bhasha bujhtei pare na ebong taake harate bosheche. Jaake she etodin shudhu bondhui bhabto she meyeti je taake etota bhalobashto ta she kivabe bujhte bertho holo she bhebe pay na? Hotath kore mone holo meyeta kichu bolte chacche, cheleta meyetir gaale ador kore haat rekhe jaante chailo ki bolte chay? Meyeti bollo-"Bhulbona kokhono tomay
Harabena kotha dao amay..."
Ei chilo meyetir sheh kotha. Je meyeti oi cheletike jiboner cheye beshi bhalobashto she chirotore taake chere chole gelo. Room e dariye thaka nurse kaadte thaka cheltike Bed theke shoriye tar haate ekta kagoj dilo jekhane lekha chilo meyetir bola shesh kothagulo-"Bhulbo na kokhono tomay....."
| This is a discussion on ```^^.:Janale Obosheshe: Part-1:.^^``` within the Poems forums, part of Arts & Literature category; Plz lekhata pore jara comment korben tara atleast likha ta ekbar purota pore comment korben...PLz plz...atleast erokom ekta comment peleo khushi hobo je purota pore comment korbe.... Janale Shobsheshe: Part-1 ... |
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| Tags : notun ekti lekha |
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| The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LuiTsean For This Useful Post: | ||
feona (February 5th, 2008), mina (February 1st, 2008), nirvoye_nilakas (February 5th, 2008), ronohungkar (February 2nd, 2008), tamchow (February 16th, 2008), Vor (February 2nd, 2008) | ||
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| " Konkone shiter himel haway Jani pabo na tobu khuji tomay, Shonali roder ushnotar choway Dohai tomar dekha dao amay." amar bhishon bhalo legeche uporer charti lineeeeee...oke shunate chai  bhalo laglo kobita pore....ekta jinish besh bhalo lage tomar...jokhon kobitar pore tumi bujhiye dau....asholei eita shobai korena....chomotkar...taliaaa Some friends forget, Some move away Some keep silent, Some just change But I’m not 1 of them, I’m here just 4 two moments now & 4ever... | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| WOW!! this is amazing.. the last passage is really nice..  Learning To Breathe | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to afsana911 For This Useful Post: | ||
LuiTsean (February 5th, 2008) | ||
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| yea amaro last passage ta porar pore kobita ta valo legeche | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Vor For This Useful Post: | ||
LuiTsean (February 5th, 2008) | ||
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| valo hoy nai. 1. u used too many similar words to present a situation, but it mostly became a bundle of words example : Nistobdho nirob nithor < arent all these 3 words mean the same thing 2. u put attention to every details . u put lines after lines, so that people understands everything, knows every reasons . so this is for prose, but not suitable for poems. 3. structure ar word use ta weak lagse onek  | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Severus For This Useful Post: | ||
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| Thenx Mina aapi...khubbee bhalo laglo jene j tomar kobitata bhalo legeche...  Shottiee Afsana?? taar maane tumi porecho.. lol :P Thex Vor bro...love to hear from you...
Well at first I thank you Severus bro for reading my poem...its really an honour that you read it...and I really wish this kind of constructive comments lot more...thank you Now lets come to the points...well if you have read my other writings I think you have got the idea that I don't actually write poems...those are written as lyrics for our team or band whatever you say it is...and above that I actually write for myself...so maybe there are bundle of words expressing the same meaning but those are for my song...to give a start with soft guitar plucking... And as I have said that I dint write it as a poem...so maybe I gave attention to every details... and I wont say anything about the structure...but about the words I will say that all of my writings always contain simple words...and I think this is what I can do because my bangla is just communicative...I never read literature as my subject before I came to Bangladesh...and I wasn't born in Bangladesh...so I am really sorry for use of weaker words in if you think its a literature stuff.... Thank you Severus bro...and whatever I said is said with due respect...I am sorry if you think I meant anything special.... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| TOOOOO GOOOOOOD MAN. i wish if i can write like this. hit hit super hittttt! | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Rahul For This Useful Post: | ||
LuiTsean (February 6th, 2008) | ||
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| severus bhaiyer dhora vul gulo tik e ache.100% right tobe aro kichu kotha roye jay.................. *amader jatiyo kobi kazi-nazrul islam ""badhon-hara"" uponnash likhar por thokhonkar dhoinik/shoptahik/mashik potrika gulute ek-nagare ovijoog utesilo ""badhon-hara kono uponnash hoyni.aadh-pagol nazrul kono niyom kanon na menei nijer ichche motho likhe jachen r kichu pagol prokashok seigula boiye rupanthoritho korchen.uponnash/golpo/kobita eshober kichu dhora-badha niyom ache."" amar prosno,""nazrul islam jodhi sob niyom-kanon mene lekha-lekhi korten thobeki tini aaj kuti manusher hridoye prothistitho hothe parten?amra ki petam "badhonhara"r motho kono uponnash,"bidhruhi"r motho kono kobita?"" kobi/lekhok tar moner motho korei likhle thobeina tar prothiva bikashitho hoy. puro lehatai porlam.aro likhben ei protthasay.........................(kemon hoyese seta mone hoy bolar proyujon hobena.kazi nazrul islam amar prio lekhok)  আমার ব্যথায় কাঁদছে আকাশ,তুমি ভাবছ এ সুখের বৃষ্টি । চেয়ে দেখো দুই-চোখে হয়েছে, সাত সাগর জলের সৃষ্টি । | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to nirvoye_nilakas For This Useful Post: | ||
LuiTsean (February 6th, 2008) | ||
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| Thenk u Rahul...but its not that good as u are saying...but still thex and obviously if you write your ones will be obviously better than mines.. And nirvoyenilakas bro its my honour that u!!! read my poem....and I also agree with severus bro's comment...and the thing is that I always try to write things simply...so my writings are never extraordinary...and ya I try to write in my own style...it feels lyk I am expressing myself and my words the way I want to say...thex again... | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to LuiTsean For This Useful Post: | ||
nirvoye_nilakas (February 6th, 2008) | ||
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| Oi Luitsean, Vor is sis...not bro...LOL and severus has some points... nice writing bhaia...keep them comin Some friends forget, Some move away Some keep silent, Some just change But I’m not 1 of them, I’m here just 4 two moments now & 4ever... | |||||||||||||||||||||
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