khik khik
| This is a discussion on Tamchow - Jokes within the Jokes & Funs forums, part of General Discussion category; Jao porlam tomar jokes moja lagse HAHA hoise khik khik... |
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| Jao porlam tomar jokes moja lagse HAHA hoise khik khik Every fortune has a crime behind It So every fortunate person is a criminal | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Rayan For This Useful Post: | ||
tamchow (May 31st, 2007) | ||
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| THE STRING AND THE SPOON A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant in Newcastle and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the barman brought our beers, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Toon Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift." As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent. I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon." Dearly Hug A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?" Drivin Licence Funny Form Drivin Licence Applikason Faram NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason konter. He will give you the licen. For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason. 1. Last name: (_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 2. First name: (_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 3. Age: (_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable 5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right 6. Occupason: (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed (Check karet box) 7. Number of children libhing in the household: ___ 8. Number that are yours: ___ 9. Mather name: ______________________ 10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leave blank) 11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 12. Dental rekard: (_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color (Check karet box) **13.Your thumb imparesson : (** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression) PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS. Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand. NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS. A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading When the wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure; it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably; it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "shit | |||||||||||||||||||
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| SARDARJI IS BACK........ Pappu, while filling up a form: dad, what should i write for Mother tongue.? Santa: very long! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge: What'll you take 30 days or rs 3000. Santa: I think i'll take the money. .................................................. ................................................ Group policy for the insurace by santa singh.,. Santa singh walked into an insurance office and asked for a job. "We don't need anyone" the manager told him. "You can't afford not to hire me, sir! I can sell anything to anyone, anytime, anywhere!" "Well we have two prospects that none of our agents has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." Sardarji was gone for about two hours, and returned and handed them not one, but two checks, one for a $50,000.00 Policy and another for $100,000.00. "How in the world did you do that?" They asked. "I told you i'm the world's best salesman, i can sell anything to anyone, anytime anywhere!" "Ok. Did you get a urine sample?" The manager asked. "What urine sample?" Asked sid. "If you sell a policy over $49,999.00 The company requires a urine sample. Here, take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Sardarji dashed out, thrilled with his success and eager to complete the job. He was gone about 5 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "here's mr dasgupta's and this one is mr. Reddy's." "Thats good" they said, "but what is in those two buckets?" "Well, i was passing by the holiday inn and they were having the city teachers convention, so i stopped by and sold them a group policy!" .................................................. .................................................. ............. Seeing santa singh depressed one of his friends asks him. "Oye why r u sad?" ....To which santa replies ..."I lost 300 rs in bet." ... His friend ask hims..."How?" Santa singh says.."I bet on india for rs 200...But unfortunately india lost" His friend queries.."But u said 300 rs..." Santa singh answers..."I again bet for india for rs 100 in the highlights of the match" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa and banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" Asks banta. "Don’t worry about it," says santa. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa and banta jungle mein Saamne aayaa sher Banta ne sher ki aakhon main matthi phenki Aur bhaagne lagaa aur santa ko bhi bhaagne ko kahaa Santa:main kyun bhaagu matthi to tune phenki hai!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1ST SARDAR : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green andone is blue with red spots! 2ND SARDAR: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home. | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post: | ||
labonno_ny (June 6th, 2007) | ||
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| One day there was a naked man and baby elephant. The elephant looks at the man for a few seconds, Ask the man, " HOW CAN U BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?" he he.. he... | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to world For This Useful Post: | ||
tamchow (June 3rd, 2007) | ||
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| Son of a B***h A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus six, that son of a b**** is eight. Three plus four, that son of a b**** is seven...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? " the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**** is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." A Nun and a Priest in SaharaDesert A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything, father." "I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes, sister?" "I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true, father?" "Yes, it is, sister." "Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and lets get the hell out of here." U might love it? There was a woman in a tattoo parlor and she asked for a turkey tattooed on the inside of her right thigh. The guy who was tattoo thought that over for a second ask then asked, "A turkey? Whatever you say." So he gave her the tattoo, and about a month later she showed up again asking for a tattoo of Santa Claus on the inside of her left thigh. Once again he looked at her and thought that this woman was crazy, but he implied with her wishes. While she was paying for the second tattoo, he couldn’t help but look up and ask, "Miss, just out of curiosity, why did you make these choices?" And she replied, "My husband says there’s nothing good to eat between Thanks giving and Christmas." | |||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post: | ||
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nice jokes , carry on.....
 Sabash Bangladesh | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to arif119 For This Useful Post: | ||
tamchow (June 6th, 2007) | ||
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| konta chere konta tarif korbo tomar tammi api ? ........ khuje pacci na ......... sob gulo Y oneek oneek sundor r funny ......... tnkx for sharing apiii  | |||||||||||||||||||
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TOTW/F/M Award(s): 2
| The Following User Says Thank You to BoIRaGi For This Useful Post: | ||
tamchow (June 7th, 2007) | ||
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| Hairy Armpit A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, | |||||||||||||||||||