Tamchow - Jokes

**tamchow** · April 26th, 2007, 11:09 PM

If you will try to kiss me
Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi
Boy : lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai. Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi

Which one is the married one?
Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

"Excuse me, sir, are you going to eat that chili?"
A guy goes into a diner and sits at the counter. He asks the waitress, "What's today's special?"

The waitress says, "Chili, but the man sitting next to you bought the last bowl."

So the guy says, "Okay, I'll just have a cup of coffee."

While the waitress goes for the coffee, the guy looks over at the man sitting next to him. He's eating a huge meal, but he's not touching the chili.

The guy says to him, "Excuse me, sir, are you going to eat that chili?"

The man says, "No, be my guest."

The guy slides the bowl over, picks up a spoon, and begins to eagerly devour the chili. He's almost finished when he notices the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. This makes the guy sick, and he pukes up everything he just ate back into the bowl.

The man sitting next to him looks over and calmly says, "Yep, that's about as far as I got, too."

I'll open this alligator's mouth
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathedas promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar."I'll try..." said a small woman, "But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!"

You look really handsome with your hair combed like that.
A guy's enjoying his drink at the bar when he hears a tiny voice saying, "That's a nice shirt you're wearing tonight." He looks around, then realizes that no one is there.

He shrugs it off and continues drinking. A couple minutes later he hears another tiny voice saying, "You look really handsome with your hair combed like that." Once again he looks around, and once again realizes that nobody is talking to him.

He calls the bartender over and tells him about the tiny voices. The bartender asks him what the voices are saying. When the guy tells him, the bartender says, "Oh, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."

Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

**mina** · April 27th, 2007, 12:06 AM

Josss api...koyekta age porechi....but still funyy..thanks api

**BoIRaGi** · April 27th, 2007, 05:03 AM

Ore dustu ............... tumi O kom jaO na dekhi .............. ha ha ha ha ..... nice jokez Api ... ty for sharing

**tamchow** · April 28th, 2007, 12:31 AM

Who wouldn't run away from her and would be good in bed to her
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone.
So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements.
She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring.
She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

I know the whole truth, he said to his mother
At school little krish was told by a classmate
That most adults are hiding at least one dark
Secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
Them by saying, "i know the whole truth."

Little krish decided to go home and try it
Out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
Mother he said, "i know the whole truth." His
Mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "just
Don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
To get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Tommy's father promptly
Handed him $50 and said, "please don't say a
Word to your mother!"

Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
The next day when he saw the mailman at his front
Door. Little krish greeted him by saying, "i
Know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
His arms saying, "then come give your daddy a big hug."

A true football fan.
A young man was watching football. He noticed an empty seat in front of him. It was a better seat than his. At half-time he went down to the empty seat. He asked the old man sitting next to the empty one is it ok if i sit here?
No problem, said the old man. It was my wife’s seat, but she’s dead. We’ve been to every home match together for 40 years, and always had these two seats.
A tear rolled down the old man’s cheek.
Don’t you have a friend, or someone from your family, who’d come with you? The young man asked, gently.
The old man wiped his eyes and said yes, but not today. They are all at my wife’s funeral.

Kiss karo to lips laal

Yadd karte hai tumhe tanhai mein,
Dil dooba hai gamo ki gehrai mein,
Hamein mat dhoonndho duniya ki bhid mein,
Hum milenge tumhe phir kisi, free sms ki scheme mein
Sharab piyo to aankhe laal,
Mehendi lago to haath laal,
Kiss karo to lips laal,
Ladki ko chheda to gaal laa,
Aur bach qaye to jiyo mere laal!!!

feona · April 28th, 2007, 02:04 AM

the last one was very very nice that’s way I read that twice!!
thanks

**afsana911** · April 30th, 2007, 03:36 AM

wow!! ur jokes are coming in a rapid speed. and they're funny!! thanks for sharing. they're great!

**tamchow** · May 5th, 2007, 02:07 AM

a visit to grandma

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her
grown grandson Anthony who is coming to visit with his wife Maria

You comma to de front door of the apartmenta.
I am inna apartmenta 301 . There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow pusha button 301. I will Buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. Thena with you elbow, hit my doorbell.

Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

What . . . . . . . .. You coming empty handed?

Boss Issues

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

YOur barracks door is opeN...
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

While he was shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got into the line where the lady was that had told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags".

**tamchow** · May 12th, 2007, 04:00 AM

A Quickie
There are two statues in a park;
one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway
for a hundred years,
when one day an angel comes down from the sky and,
with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them,
"As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been
given life for thirty minutes to do
what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him,
and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return,
out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them,
"Um, you have fifteen minutes left,
"Would you care to do it again?"
He asks her. "Shall we?" She eagerly replies,
"Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down,
and you shit on its head."

Blonde Secretary's Memo to her Boss.
TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K

I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak

We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!

**tamchow** · May 27th, 2007, 09:24 PM

Dating a Widow

Sadie had been widowed for a few years and very lonely,
and finally consented to going out on a date with Smith,
the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.

Smith picked up her and they went on a picnic in a
very secluded spot. Smith also had been widowed
for a long time and found himself very attracted to Sadie,
and despite her resistance at first to his advances,
he finally was able to make love to her.

Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed,
"I don't know how I can face my daughter, knowing in a
time of weakness, I sinned twice!"

Smith said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?"

Sadie looked at Smith and said,
"...Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?"

The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post:
BoIRaGi (April 27th, 2007), mina (April 27th, 2007)

The Following User Says Thank You to mina For This Useful Post:
tamchow (April 27th, 2007)

The Following User Says Thank You to BoIRaGi For This Useful Post:
tamchow (April 27th, 2007)

The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post:
BoIRaGi (April 28th, 2007), mina (April 28th, 2007)

The Following User Says Thank You to feona For This Useful Post:
tamchow (April 28th, 2007)

The Following User Says Thank You to afsana911 For This Useful Post:
tamchow (April 30th, 2007)

The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post:
afsana911 (May 18th, 2007), BoIRaGi (May 5th, 2007), mina (May 6th, 2007), ReeV (May 12th, 2007)

The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post:
afsana911 (May 18th, 2007), BoIRaGi (May 12th, 2007), mina (May 16th, 2007)