| There was this doctor in Newfoundland one time who wanted to get some time of work so he could go hunting. One day he approched his assistant. "Garge, I'm goin huntin damaro "tommorrow" and I don't wanna close da clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients".
"Yes sir!" answers Garge
The doctor goes hunting and when he returns the following day he asks"
"So Garge, How was yer day?"
Garge told him that he took care of three patients. "the first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol".
"Good thinkin Garge, and da second one?" asks the doctor.
Oh the second patient had burning in the stomach, so I gave him Maalox, Sir" says Garge.
"Geepers, your gettin good at dis Garge, what about da tird one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sittin ere when suddenly the door swung open and dis lady she just burst in like a flame and started undressing herself, she took of everything includin her bra and panties, she then lied on the table spreadin er legs wide open and shouted" HELP ME! HELP ME please, for five years now I haven't seen any men!"
"Lard tunderin Jesus Garge, what did yah do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes doc"
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George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when ½ of all Americans don't have health insurance?
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
"Little Johnnie" he responds.
"And what is your question, Little Johnnie?"
"Actually Sir, I have 6 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans
don't have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what the F*#K happened to Stanley?"
************************************************** ********
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
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New Math?
A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication."
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
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A German, a pakistani and an indian were caught drinkin in saudi arabia, wich is a serious offense. They were taken to the sheikh to receive their punishments. The sheikh orders that each of them will get 30 lashes on their backs.
Just before receiving the punishment, the sheikh grants them 1 wish each.
The German was 1st. He wished for a pillow to be tied on his back. His wish was granted. However, the pillow only lasted 10 lashes and he had to suffer 20 lashes.
The pakistani was next. He wished for 2 pillows to be tied on his back. But again the pillows only lasted 15 lashes and the pakistani suffered 15 lashes.
The Indian was next. The sheikh was fond of indian culture so he granted the indian 2 wishes. The Indian first wished for 100 lashes and not 30. The sheikh was impressed by this act of bravery and knew that it was the right choice to give him 2 wishes.
The indian then used his 2nd wish."Tie the pakistani to my back."
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THINGS TO DO IN A LIFT
1. When there's only one other person in the lift, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Ring the Psychic Hotline from your mobile phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
8. Move your desk into the lift and whenever anyone gets in, ask if they have an appointment.
9. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets in, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15. Swat at flies that don't exist.
16. Tell people that you can see their aura.
17. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23. Listen to the walls with your stethoscope.
24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on."
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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the f***ing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
তাই রিমঝীম সে কেঁদে চলে, আপন সুরে আপন তালে
সেই বৃষ্টি আজ কাঁদায় আমাকে, জাগিয়ে তুলে সে স্মৃতিটাকে
কোনো একদিন তুমি কেঁদেছিলে, এই আমার দুটি হাত ধরে
বলেছিলে কভু দূরে না হাড়াতে, অথচ কখন যেন
নিজে হারালে আমায় একা ফেলে, তাই কেঁদে চলে বৃষ্টি আপন সুরে,
আপন তালে, আপন সুরে...
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TOTW/F/M Award(s): 2
.. i mean ... mina 
HeLLzAnGeL