[mina]

#41

The following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.

Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
Lallo : Oh yes! In most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Lallo : I have removed all windows due to increased burglaries in our house.

Gates (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Lallo : OPERATION ? Yes I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Lallo : Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates : By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Lallo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Lallo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates (Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Lallo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Lallo : I have exhuasted all my leave.

Gates : I have no energy left let us go out and have a bite.
Lallo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***********************~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

#42

Husband: (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I`m now logged in."

Wife???: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or filename.

Wife???: But I told you in the morning!
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife???: What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found ...

Wife???: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.=
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...

Wife???: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters...

Wife???: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.

Wife???: You are useless.
Husband: It`s by Default.

Wife???: What about your Salary?
Husband: File in use ... Try later.

Wife???: What is my value in the family.
Husband: Unknown Virus

MORAL: Beware before getting married to an IT pro.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***********************~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

#43

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created you. (REEV)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far..... (BOIRAGI - MITTU)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

TEACHER (OVI) ==== Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENT (RAYAN - Raju) ==== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Police man (EROS) ==== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man (BOIRAGI) ==== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

(REEV): Why does history keep repeating itself?
(Rayan - Raju): Because we weren't listening the first time !

[mina]

# 44

*Break Into the House*

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"


***********


*Lost Wife*

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."


***********

*Teacher*

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


***********


*Hearing*

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


***********


*Wedding*

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"

***********


* Dream*

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"

With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."

That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".

************************************************** *

[tamchow]

api never heard dem b4 they r Hillarious.....

thanx for sharing....

[BlackskY]

hahahaaa....hehee... nice joke collection. thanx 4 shering

[BoIRaGi]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ........ nice collection Mina ........well done .......... now can u do me a fevour ? .............. come to me and lets walk along for some min ..... coz i couldnt find ma darling yet

[mina]

#45

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
____________ _________ _________ _________ ______

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this
village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, 'Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___




When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, 'I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board ' WASH BASIN '
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will
you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !! ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining.

Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -

What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

He wrote 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet

Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.

Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U'VE 3 children?

Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wanna die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A Teacher lecturing on population:

'In India after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. '

A Sardar stands up- 'We must find & stop her!. '
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___A man: 'Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the

evening not in the morning?'

Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

The Chinese friend just says 'CHIN YU YAN' and dies.

Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words. And finds it means 'U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.

His wife asked what you are doing.

He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what...

To avoid side effects!!!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Man: Sardarji where were U born?

Sardarji: Punjab .

Man: Which part?

Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar'.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Lawyer to Sardar: 'Gita pe haath rakhkar

kaho ke...... '

Sardar :'Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir

gita pe haath!!'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....

Girl said- 'What R U doing...?'

Sardar replied- '

B.COM

from Khalsa college, Chandigar'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me. I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says 'please recharge your card'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, 'For Best Results put on Two Coats'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). '

The first sardar replies, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Q How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???

A They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___Q Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?

A Because he wanted to measure how long he has slept....... .
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Santa Singh MBBS

After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice. He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch. Finally he said Battery is Ok!!!