| This is a discussion on Jalal's Jokes within the Jokes & Funs forums, part of General Discussion category; Last one shunsi jalal bhai , preveious was gr8. post more. lol... |
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| Last one shunsi jalal bhai , preveious was gr8. post more. lol | |||||||||||||||||||
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jalalahmed (April 12th, 2008) | ||
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A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughter. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha, I am sending Puj. Ba's dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT , India. Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you. Near Ba's feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct!! Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it. The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews. Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days... | |||||||||||||||||||
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| A man takes his son to a horse sale, and runs his hand down the back and bottom of a promising mare. His son asks, “What are you doing that for?” The father explains, “I’m seeing if I should buy this one.” The boy bursts into tears and says, “I think the man next door wants to buy Mummy.” ************************************************** *********** After a heart transplant operation, a man was instructed by his doctor to go on a strict diet, give up smoking and get plenty of sleep. The patient asked, “What about sex?” “Only with your wife,” the doctor replied. “We don’t want you getting too excited.” | |||||||||||||||||||
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| grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sesher jokes tar jonno tomar mathai bari তাই রিমঝীম সে কেঁদে চলে, আপন সুরে আপন তালে সেই বৃষ্টি আজ কাঁদায় আমাকে, জাগিয়ে তুলে সে স্মৃতিটাকে কোনো একদিন তুমি কেঁদেছিলে, এই আমার দুটি হাত ধরে বলেছিলে কভু দূরে না হাড়াতে, অথচ কখন যেন নিজে হারালে আমায় একা ফেলে, তাই কেঁদে চলে বৃষ্টি আপন সুরে, আপন তালে, আপন সুরে... | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| The Following User Says Thank You to mina For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (April 29th, 2008) | ||
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| 'Oprio shotto' he he 
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Why are hurricanes normally named after women? When they came they're wild and wet, but when the go they take your house and car. | |||||||||||||||||||
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tanna (May 20th, 2008) | ||
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| I love the jokes that you post! | |||||||||||||||||||
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jalalahmed (May 20th, 2008) | ||
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Yet another Aussie stuff! It's a true story but surely demeans any real life jokes that I have ever come across! Happy reading  True story, that happened in a small town in NSW, Australia. On Thursday, 24 January 2002, Derek Guille broadcast this story on his afternoon program on ABC Radio. In March 1999, a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating that they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it. The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off. He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming (that having spoken to them the previous day) the latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out. The next month he got a bill for $0.00. This bill also stated that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt. Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the gas company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas company nothing at all. A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking Corporation called our hapless friend and asked him what he was doing writing cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank manager replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could therefore not process ANY cheques they had received from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 had caused the computer to crash. The following month the man received a letter from the gas company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 ~ and unless he sent a cheque by return mail they would take immediate steps to recover the debt. At this point, the man decided to file a debt-harassment claim against the gas company. It took him nearly two hours to convince the clerks at the local courthouse that he was not joking. They subsequently helped him in the drafting of statements which were considered substantive evidence of the aggravation and difficulties he had been forced to endure during this debacle. The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in Mudgee and the outcome was this: The gas company was ordered to: 1. Immediately rectify their computerised accounts system or Show Cause, within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher court for consideration under Company Law. 2. Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by the man. 3. Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose cheques had been bounced on the day our friend's had been processed. 4. Pay the claimant's court costs; and 5. Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5 month period March to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had caused their client to suffer. And all this over an amount of $0.00........... Who employed these idiots?? | |||||||||||||||||||
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mina (May 20th, 2008) | ||
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A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. 'What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks? 'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.' He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. 'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner. 'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.' | |||||||||||||||||||
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mina (September 30th, 2008) | ||
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