Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana diner, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was ...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a concrete block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The concrete block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
***** OUR 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER *****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
| This is a discussion on Jalal's Jokes within the Jokes & Funs forums, part of General Discussion category; Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners: 1. When his ... |
| Advertisement | |
| Want to advertise? | Learn how to remove ads |
| Notices |
| Tags : laughter |
| |
| |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jalalahmed For This Useful Post: | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| Nice joke anyway | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| The Following User Says Thank You to noble For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (February 26th, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| Very funny, the language is bit loose, still can’t resist the temptation to post it  Aeroplane asked Rocket:" We both fly in the sky but why are you faster than me?"Rocket answered:"******r pola, hogae agun lagle bujhbi ..." | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||
| LOL....Jalal bhaiaa didn't know you have some collections তাই রিমঝীম সে কেঁদে চলে, আপন সুরে আপন তালে সেই বৃষ্টি আজ কাঁদায় আমাকে, জাগিয়ে তুলে সে স্মৃতিটাকে কোনো একদিন তুমি কেঁদেছিলে, এই আমার দুটি হাত ধরে বলেছিলে কভু দূরে না হাড়াতে, অথচ কখন যেন নিজে হারালে আমায় একা ফেলে, তাই কেঁদে চলে বৃষ্টি আপন সুরে, আপন তালে, আপন সুরে... | |||||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||
| The Following User Says Thank You to mina For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (February 29th, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| CHINESE SICK LEAVE - "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!" Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss I no come work today, I real sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that. Two hours later Hung Chow calls again "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house." | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||
| Hahahaha oohhh snap!!   Pяιη¢єѕѕ Pяσνα | |||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||
TOTW/F/M Award(s): 1| The Following User Says Thank You to Prova For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (March 1st, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| ohh my gosh... LOL.. Learning To Breathe | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| The Following User Says Thank You to afsana911 For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (March 1st, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This telescopic sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The *****!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." "Then the neighbor -- shoot his **** off to teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand. | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| The Following User Says Thank You to jalalahmed For This Useful Post: | ||
mina (March 3rd, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| keno jani shuna shuna lagche ei joke ta... but who cares... its really funny... lol... da hu chung was really funny.. hehehe . EvEr SiNcE yOu WaLkEd In2 mY lIfE, dReAmS eNvY mY rEaLTy.. | |||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||
| The Following User Says Thank You to tamchow For This Useful Post: | ||
jalalahmed (March 3rd, 2008) | ||
| |||||||||||||||||||||
| oh gosh that was really funny....chung তাই রিমঝীম সে কেঁদে চলে, আপন সুরে আপন তালে সেই বৃষú | |||||||||||||||||||||