| Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover"
or "Boy." I call mine "Sex."
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told
the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like
to have one too." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've
had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have
been quite a kid!"
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I
would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait
until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played
a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around
Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone
would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we
were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred
from the church from then on.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the
dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for
my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every
room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand.
Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the
competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant
asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had
planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should
have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had
hoped to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I
was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that
after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are
you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said,
"I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up Friday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had
more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why
just the other day when I went for my first session with the
psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I
replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it
has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely," and
the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex
isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog." ~*~*~I Love Walking In The Rain Because Nobody Can See Me Crying!~*~*~ | 
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